Thanks to this new handy infographic from the Center for Disease Control released as part of their Vital Signs report, women now know that drinking can put women at risk of sexually transmitted diseased, unplanned pregnancy, and violence.
I could make some funny jokes here about the stupidity of it all, but I’m not. This is serious. All too often throughout history has the responsibility for sexual protection, domestic violence, and rape been placed upon women.
Women should have the right to not be abused or assaulted regardless of our actions, attire, age, etc.
I really thought we were making progress with women’s rights considering the recent changes to women’s health care coverage and the focus on sexual assault on campus.
Reading for pleasure is a cherished pastime for the Ph.D. student, so I have taken to consuming short works and collections of essays. These I can read in the coveted hour I might find each week or easily pick back up if my read is interrupted.
My latest book I read was We Should All Be Feminists. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes from her experiences in Nigeria as a woman in a culture that does not view women as capable or equal to men. Her insight into typical social situations in which sexism rears its ugly head provides affirmation for those who might be feeling the same frustrations as well as awareness for those who might not yet see the inequalities in such interactions.
The author calls to all people regardless of gender to be feminists as feminism is not just for the rights of one gender, but rather equal rights. She also points out why human rights is not a appropriate term for feminism.
Beyond being a strong supporter of equal rights, she is a brilliant writer. Check out her other works as well, which very likely might be at your local library.
I used to subscribe to Women’s Health and really enjoyed the magazine. There were sections for health, fitness updates, and new gadgets for those of us who are workout nuts.
Over the years, the magazine went through some changes, but the most significant shift happened about 3 years ago. All of a sudden, the pages were filled with more celeb gossip, dating advice, and fashion and makeup tips. I canceled my subscription. If I wanted that stuff, I’d subscribe to Cosmo (Cosmopolitan).*
But I don’t.
I want information about staying healthy.
At least the Women’s Health’s website stayed decent with articles about new workouts and videos showing exercises with step-by-step demonstrations.
This brings me to last night. I was wanting to find some new exercise inspiration. I like to mix it up a bit so my body doesn’t get complacent and so I don’t get bored. Makes sense, right? So I go to Women’s Health’s website.
Oh. My. God.
My intended short visit to the site to find some new exercises to take to the gym in the morning turned into a diatribe.
What had they done? Where was the fitness? Was it not important enough to make the top nav?
Oh, it gets better. The editors decided that women’s health includes such topics as:
Then you get a pop up:
Is that all it’s about? A bikini body. Orly?
Ok, so what about the boys? Seriously? Seriously.
Now, what did Rodale decide Men’s Health’s site should have?
I thought you’d never ask. On the main page, was there celeb info? New hair products? Ads asking if they wanted a bikini body?
Nope.
None of the above.
How unfortunate that a perfectly good health related periodical for women was bastardized by mainstream media and pop culture. I hope it circles back to cover fitness, women’s issues, and girl power that it once promoted. Now it just serves to join all the other fluff mags that perpetuate the female stereotype.
*It should be noted that Michele Promaulayko took over as editor-in-chief in 2008. Previously, she was executive editor for Cosmopolitan.
I am a nice person, perky and upbeat, and have a wonderful work ethic. I’ll always lend a hand and genuinely ask my co-workers how they are doing. I don’t gossip. I love hearing about their research. I even lend a confidential ear to problems they’re facing.
Still, I get sniped. Now I am not talking about to the death, but the little jabs or swipes that just wear you down. Make you second guess yourself. Micro aggressions that maybe even ruin your day.
What is with the abrasiveness some women harbor toward other women? I know on some level the behavior takes us back to our cave-dwelling alter egos. But now we drive cars and sip lattes.
This judgement doesn’t just apply to women in the workplace. It happens everywhere! Anyone ever be mommy-judged?
Yeah. It’s brutal.
Now how about this? Ever been at work plugging along doing well and suddenly you’re white knighted. Sadly, this happens to the best of us. White knighting can be helpful sometimes when men stand up for women who are being wrongfully attacked or addressed (wolf-whistles, anyone?).
Sometimes though, white knighting can be quite a downer. Take this for an example:
You and your other committee members are having a meeting. One of the male members tells other [female] members he has reached out to a particular leader about the topic and cleared the way for the [women] to progress. He has essentially done the jobs for the members…without being asked. He then suggests the [women] members get experience doing certain tasks as it is easy and they will have to do it eventually.
How about this one?
You are an educated person with 10+ years experience in your field, and you receive a lengthy email from the white knight about how you can improve your resume and prospects by being involved in various areas. He has already reached out to those area leaders to make a connection for you.
Traditionally women have been raised to be seen and not heard, and certainly to not “rock the boat” especially with men.
So, what can you do about all of the above? Lots! Here are a few of my favorites:
Stand up for yourself
Now, I’m not going to lie. This one can take practice. No, you don’t want to come across as crass or abrasive, but being assertive is good. Speak up and say, “It really makes me feel X when people do X. I hope you can see what I mean.” If this behavior still continues, take it further: “I feel X when you do X. We are each in control of our behavior and reactions, and I think as your Y you would like me to be honest with you so we can have a better Z relationship.”
Make it a party
Have others who experience the same behavior from the same person? Get them in on the party! Be open with them, using some of the statements above. Tell them how this behavior makes you feel and saying how you cant imagine it makes them feel good either. Some women are still stuck in the cycle of societal norms for women and won’t speak up. By getting them to see the light, likely they won’t accept the behavior anymore either.
Speak with authority
Cut out the language from your vocabulary that is tentative. No maybes. No I thinks. No perhaps. You will be surprised at the difference.
Bodies matter
No, not your pants size! I’m talking about how you place your body. Body language has a lot to do with perceptions. Be small and you’ll be viewed as small. Lean into someone’s space, you’ll be seen as more authoritative. Check out Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on it.
Give credit where credit is due
Ready for another surprise? You will look more competent and intelligent when you support other’s ideas and acknowledge their contribution to a project.
Don’t ignore it
Please do not let silence be your agreement. Sometimes the offender assumes everyone is in agreement or everything is just fine when no one says otherwise.
Be yourself
Only you know what is right and feels good to you. Do not let someone’s perceived power affect you as a person. Do not allow them to diminish you.
Monday night I was assisting in the intervention skills class. This course is aimed at preparing student affairs professionals to support students should they have certain concerns or needs. Our topics this semester range from depression to Autism to identity.
This week’s topic was sexual assault. This is never an easy subject for anyone. With 1 in 4 college women being sexually assaulted, we need to break the silence.
Claudia Charles, Director of Counseling and Wellness at Fontbonne University, spoke to the class about sexual assault and supporting students who may have experienced such an event. She spoke about counseling students who were assaulters and how being present with the student is helpful in keeping biases in check. She also went over general information, including statistics, sexual assault facts, and emotions victims may be experiencing.
There is so much grey in the experience of sexual assault. No, not every victim will say rape even though it was rape. No, not every victim will fight their assaulter. No, not every victim will want to speak out. No, not every victim will come to the acceptance of their sexual assault.
This brings the conversation back to the thought that we need to support those who do come forward about sexual assault. We need to encourage them to seek counseling and hopefully they will report the crime to the police. We need to strongly encourage victims to seek medical attention for their assault. This is integral in ensuring they are physically ok and collecting any possible evidence should the victim wish to prosecute in the future.
One question I had, as I have never had the experience of accompanying anyone to the emergency room for sexual assault, is what does this experience look like for a person?
Would in the case of people on their parents’ insurance plan result in an explanation of benefits (EOB) mailed home? This could be an issue in instances where the person does not wish to have parents notified. Victims can process the emergency room visit without using insurance, and the visit might be able to be covered by a victim’s grant.
I marvel at how some find the courage to relive their assault in order to seek medical attention, counseling, or to prosecute the assaulter. They are strong and I am proud of those people. Be proud of those people too. Show your support by speaking up about sexual assault. You could be the push someone needs to break the silence.
A couple weeks ago Chris and I went on a drive in our new car. The kids were with Grandma and we just enjoyed the journey. During our drive we discussed many things, including an upcoming project of mine that will make me more visible online.
Chris argued that by putting myself out there in any way and by simply being a woman, I am opening myself up to the unfortunate side of the Internet. He hates this side of the Internet, totally thinks I shouldn’t let this stop me, but just wanted to warn me. I told him I wasn’t worried because my focus isn’t anything, even seemingly, controversial. He replied, “It doesn’t matter. They don’t care. It’s just because you’re a woman. And smart. They hate that.”
I don’t get why people feel justified in harassing other people, on or off the Internet. It just doesn’t make sense.
Well, he’s right.
By just having thoughts in my head, I’m controversial.
This underlying and sometimes blatant hatred of women just because they’re women and smart is…well, I just cannot put it into words. I honestly cannot comprehend any possible reason for such a stupid perspective. Why would someone hate anyone for being smart? Having opinions? Or even just existing?
John Oliver breaks down the reality for women on the Internet with a little bit of humor.
For god’s sake, you’d think the way the people are lashing out at these women, they were axe murderers or even Hitler himself.
What happens online doesn’t stay online. This harassment affects our every day lives. By continuing to dismiss and accept these crimes against women, the oppressive power will persist on the Internet just as it has in society for thousands of years.
Women’s issues are always on my mind, and I am always eager to hear what other feminists (and opposers) have to say. My ears perked up a couple weeks ago when a story came on NPR about Marissa Mayer’s second maternity leave.
On a professional note, she did double the amount of paid maternity leave for Yahoo employees, yet she did away with telecommuting. She also built a nursery next to her office to use with her four month-old son. Yes, she is a CEO of a very large company and arguably works more hours than the traditional full-time employee. But does her clout and wealth allow her certain benefits not afforded to other working moms? Yes. Does taking only a few weeks of maternity leave and working throughout set presidence for other women taking maternity leave? Unfortunately, yes.
While any woman should be able to do what is best for her personal situation, in this country, society groups women together when considering what women should do. It is as if we are incapable of making decisions for ourselves. We are judged for taking time off. We are judged for asking for flexible work schedules. We are judged for bringing our children to conferences or work. We are judged when our children get sick. We are judged constantly, regardless of what the laws state.
I loathe the whole lean in crap circulating right now. As if women cannot be multiple identities at once. We can work and be mothers if that is what we want to do. Marissa Mayer, as well as other women, should not be admonished by the public for only taking a few weeks of maternity leave. We, however, should recognize as a society our role in women’s issues, including paid maternity leave and support of working mothers.
Could inviting women to fight for equality harm equality? I think so. Especially if it suggests women fight for their rights to be able to go topless by going topless.
I know the ‘Free the Nipple’ campaign is about the principle of owning our bodies; I, however, am with Alyssa Milano. There are other women’s issues we need to tackle first: breastfeeding rights, maternity leave, sexual assault, wage equality, and reinforced gender stereotypes to name a few.
From the wikipedia page on the ‘Free the Nipple’ campaign:
Conversely, most states in the US note either explicitly or implicitly that any kind of exposure of the female areola is an act of indecent exposure and therefore a criminal offense. Arizona, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, New York, South Carolina, Utah, Virginia, and Washington are the only states whose laws expressly differentiate breast-feeding mothers from performances of “public lewdness.”
Only about 1/6 of states in the U.S. even differentiate between breastfeeding and other displays of the breasts. Online services frequently delete pictures and videos of women breastfeeding, yet allow other graphic, arguably inappropriate images and videos.
Honestly, friends, we have some work to do and I’m not sure how running around topless will help.
Lady Gaga reacts to sexual assault on college campuses. It’s an epidemic that we’re ignoring. It’s savage. Diminishing. Accepted. Haunting. Common. Isolating.
One in 5 female and 1 in sixteen male college students will be sexually assaulted this year. Think about this: smaller colleges have class sizes of about 15 students. So that means in each classroom you walk past on campus, at least 3 students in that room will be sexually assaulted this year.
Eight out of 10 people know their assaulter. I did.
Sexual assault is something that will stay with you always. Over a decade later, I can still close my eyes and remember every detail.
Sixty-three percent of sexual assault crimes are not reported to the police.
No one asks to be sexually assaulted. Ever.
Help someone you know break the silence. Make sure you listen.
