Reading for pleasure is a cherished pastime for the Ph.D. student, so I have taken to consuming short works and collections of essays. These I can read in the coveted hour I might find each week or easily pick back up if my read is interrupted.
My latest book I read was We Should All Be Feminists. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes from her experiences in Nigeria as a woman in a culture that does not view women as capable or equal to men. Her insight into typical social situations in which sexism rears its ugly head provides affirmation for those who might be feeling the same frustrations as well as awareness for those who might not yet see the inequalities in such interactions.
The author calls to all people regardless of gender to be feminists as feminism is not just for the rights of one gender, but rather equal rights. She also points out why human rights is not a appropriate term for feminism.
Beyond being a strong supporter of equal rights, she is a brilliant writer. Check out her other works as well, which very likely might be at your local library.
I am a nice person, perky and upbeat, and have a wonderful work ethic. I’ll always lend a hand and genuinely ask my co-workers how they are doing. I don’t gossip. I love hearing about their research. I even lend a confidential ear to problems they’re facing.
Still, I get sniped. Now I am not talking about to the death, but the little jabs or swipes that just wear you down. Make you second guess yourself. Micro aggressions that maybe even ruin your day.
What is with the abrasiveness some women harbor toward other women? I know on some level the behavior takes us back to our cave-dwelling alter egos. But now we drive cars and sip lattes.
This judgement doesn’t just apply to women in the workplace. It happens everywhere! Anyone ever be mommy-judged?
Yeah. It’s brutal.
Now how about this? Ever been at work plugging along doing well and suddenly you’re white knighted. Sadly, this happens to the best of us. White knighting can be helpful sometimes when men stand up for women who are being wrongfully attacked or addressed (wolf-whistles, anyone?).
Sometimes though, white knighting can be quite a downer. Take this for an example:
You and your other committee members are having a meeting. One of the male members tells other [female] members he has reached out to a particular leader about the topic and cleared the way for the [women] to progress. He has essentially done the jobs for the members…without being asked. He then suggests the [women] members get experience doing certain tasks as it is easy and they will have to do it eventually.
How about this one?
You are an educated person with 10+ years experience in your field, and you receive a lengthy email from the white knight about how you can improve your resume and prospects by being involved in various areas. He has already reached out to those area leaders to make a connection for you.
Traditionally women have been raised to be seen and not heard, and certainly to not “rock the boat” especially with men.
So, what can you do about all of the above? Lots! Here are a few of my favorites:
Stand up for yourself
Now, I’m not going to lie. This one can take practice. No, you don’t want to come across as crass or abrasive, but being assertive is good. Speak up and say, “It really makes me feel X when people do X. I hope you can see what I mean.” If this behavior still continues, take it further: “I feel X when you do X. We are each in control of our behavior and reactions, and I think as your Y you would like me to be honest with you so we can have a better Z relationship.”
Make it a party
Have others who experience the same behavior from the same person? Get them in on the party! Be open with them, using some of the statements above. Tell them how this behavior makes you feel and saying how you cant imagine it makes them feel good either. Some women are still stuck in the cycle of societal norms for women and won’t speak up. By getting them to see the light, likely they won’t accept the behavior anymore either.
Speak with authority
Cut out the language from your vocabulary that is tentative. No maybes. No I thinks. No perhaps. You will be surprised at the difference.
Bodies matter
No, not your pants size! I’m talking about how you place your body. Body language has a lot to do with perceptions. Be small and you’ll be viewed as small. Lean into someone’s space, you’ll be seen as more authoritative. Check out Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on it.
Give credit where credit is due
Ready for another surprise? You will look more competent and intelligent when you support other’s ideas and acknowledge their contribution to a project.
Don’t ignore it
Please do not let silence be your agreement. Sometimes the offender assumes everyone is in agreement or everything is just fine when no one says otherwise.
Be yourself
Only you know what is right and feels good to you. Do not let someone’s perceived power affect you as a person. Do not allow them to diminish you.
Monday night I was assisting in the intervention skills class. This course is aimed at preparing student affairs professionals to support students should they have certain concerns or needs. Our topics this semester range from depression to Autism to identity.
This week’s topic was sexual assault. This is never an easy subject for anyone. With 1 in 4 college women being sexually assaulted, we need to break the silence.
Claudia Charles, Director of Counseling and Wellness at Fontbonne University, spoke to the class about sexual assault and supporting students who may have experienced such an event. She spoke about counseling students who were assaulters and how being present with the student is helpful in keeping biases in check. She also went over general information, including statistics, sexual assault facts, and emotions victims may be experiencing.
There is so much grey in the experience of sexual assault. No, not every victim will say rape even though it was rape. No, not every victim will fight their assaulter. No, not every victim will want to speak out. No, not every victim will come to the acceptance of their sexual assault.
This brings the conversation back to the thought that we need to support those who do come forward about sexual assault. We need to encourage them to seek counseling and hopefully they will report the crime to the police. We need to strongly encourage victims to seek medical attention for their assault. This is integral in ensuring they are physically ok and collecting any possible evidence should the victim wish to prosecute in the future.
One question I had, as I have never had the experience of accompanying anyone to the emergency room for sexual assault, is what does this experience look like for a person?
Would in the case of people on their parents’ insurance plan result in an explanation of benefits (EOB) mailed home? This could be an issue in instances where the person does not wish to have parents notified. Victims can process the emergency room visit without using insurance, and the visit might be able to be covered by a victim’s grant.
I marvel at how some find the courage to relive their assault in order to seek medical attention, counseling, or to prosecute the assaulter. They are strong and I am proud of those people. Be proud of those people too. Show your support by speaking up about sexual assault. You could be the push someone needs to break the silence.
Last night I happened upon this gem in my site stats:
Well. Hmmm. Sadly for the searcher, not on this site. But what does this say about the youth and how they’re using this great vast medium of the Internet.
Let’s take email for instance. No one ever has said this is the right way or the wrong way to use email. Some people are deleters. Some archivers. Some a mix of the 2. Others keep their inbox full. Then there is the communication protocol. Is it like a text? Better than a call? Formatted like a formal letter? A personal letter? We are all using technology in varied and increasingly creative ways.
The Internet is full of gems for us all. It’s a metaphorical horn of plenty. It might just be the great education and access equalizer in our educationally disjointed society. How wonderful to have this tool for educators and learners and the curious to use!
While I’m not sure this young person was fruitful in their search for nude girls from Mii Plaza, watching and learning about how people are using the media is not only fascinating, but very educational. It teaches us multitudes about society, thought processes, curiosity, creativity, and where we are headed ethnographically.
Next time you get the chance, ask someone how they use technology. You might learn some new ways to leverage the media. You might even learn something cool about how people are venturing into the great wide open.
This afternoon on the way in I was listening to St. Louis Public Radio, St. Louis’ local NPR station. There was a live broadcast titled “Early Childhood and Media”in concordance with Media Literacy Week. The conversation was wonderful about how we can teach children about this world.
I enjoyed the whole discussion, well, the twenty minutes I caught, which happened to be the final twenty minutes of the piece. I cannot wait for the whole to be posted online.
I liked where Dafna Lemish pointed out about behavior and the Internet. Online interactions are just as real as in person interactions – if you wouldn’t say that to someone in person, you shouldn’t say it online – and how online interactions have emotional and social impact. I also like how she noted augmented reality could be used to teach empathy as well (putting someone in someone else’s shoes), but often the only recollection is regarding first person shooters when people think of augmented reality.
The other major point I enjoyed came from Deborah (or perhaps Debra) in Jennings. She brought up the topic of media impacting our emotions and attitudes towards others, and is often overwhelmed with such toxic levels of negativity.
I absolutely loved this talking point!
There is already so much negative and unfortunate in the real world. We do not need producers fabricating reality shows and scenarios to poison the media many of us use to unwind after a stressful day.
So much more can be done with these powerful tools. Why not instead, producers, choose to educate, inform, entertain with positive methods? Train wrecks are low hanging fruit. You’ll always get gawkers. Challenge yourselves and create something positive and engaging.
For me, I love reality television shows that are upbeat. I do not watch the shows where there is backstabbing, betrayal, and hatred. I cannot recall which of the gents said it on the show, but, yes, it is soul crushing. There is just too much of that in the real world. Why fabricate more negativity for us to consume?
Lady Gaga reacts to sexual assault on college campuses. It’s an epidemic that we’re ignoring. It’s savage. Diminishing. Accepted. Haunting. Common. Isolating.
One in 5 female and 1 in sixteen male college students will be sexually assaulted this year. Think about this: smaller colleges have class sizes of about 15 students. So that means in each classroom you walk past on campus, at least 3 students in that room will be sexually assaulted this year.
Eight out of 10 people know their assaulter. I did.
Sexual assault is something that will stay with you always. Over a decade later, I can still close my eyes and remember every detail.
Sixty-three percent of sexual assault crimes are not reported to the police.
No one asks to be sexually assaulted. Ever.
Help someone you know break the silence. Make sure you listen.
Language has a profound impact on how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. I know some deliberately use inappropriate language to hurt others, but others I am sure unknowingly use inappropriate language. Make the choice today to examine your language, change it, and encourage others to do so too!
In writing my research proposal and working toward collecting my data for my dissertation, I have been reading quite a bit on disability identity theory (Gibson is the only one that really exists). I was really rather bummed by this when I started my literature review, but now I think it makes a great deal of sense.
You see, disability is a social construct. Society has told people who have disabilities how to be disabled. People with disabilities react to the stimuli society provides, and based upon this information, their identity develops.
The This American Life episode “Batman” came as I had unearthed another interesting bit of identity theory. People react upon perception. Society perceives people with disabilities as less than, and the people with disabilities perceive themselves perhaps not as less than, but as limited. Why? Society says so.
But, society is wrong.
Our bodies are amazing machines. People with disabilities may do things differently than the rest of society. But is that difference less than? And by association is that person less than?
Listen to the This American Life episode. I hope it changes your expectations and thoughts about disability.
“How do [they] do it all?” A quote from a conversation in the graduate assistant office referring to Ph.D. students who have families, volunteer responsibilities, etc.
Simple. You do what is important, you prioritize, and you are efficient.
We all know how much contributions to politicians speak to their interests. I am sad to see someone I support on this list. I hope some do, however, support what is truly best for the people.
